91Èȱ¬

It's not often that I, Crippled Monkey, am lost for words, but even I don't quite know what to make of this 91Èȱ¬ News headline: . Apparently, this theatrical extravaganza is due to open in the West End in April, and a "well-known rock star" has been lined up to play the great man himself.

No, we weren't surprised to learn that they haven't cast a blind actor in the role.

Naturally, this story has caused all kinds of excited debate around the Ouch office, from who the star of the show might be - suggestions so far include Ozzy Osbourne, David Bowie, Meatloaf, Robbie Williams and, er, Suzi Quatro (!?) - through to what scenes might be included in the production. Favourite ideas of ours include Sadie, David Blunkett's faithful mobility aid, being given a main speaking role as a commentator on the action (we look forward to seeing someone dressed in a furry dog suit). Or that all the Blunkmeister's previous guide dogs might form a chorus line for a song and dance routine. It might seem extraordinary, but in a world where the Blunkett story becomes a musical, surely anything's possible?

Do drop us a line at the usual address with your casting ideas, titles of possible songs featured in the show (there are bound to be a couple of numbers featuring excruciatingly bad puns on being blind, aren't there?) and scenes you'd like to see on stage (keep it clean, please).

As they say in showbiz, this one's gonna run and run.