So close and yet...
Bloggers Luke Holland, Ian Titherington and Geraint chastised me for ignoring another "moment of history" in British politics - the Nats coming to power not just in Edinburgh but Cardiff too. Not so fast. Just as a "rainbow coalition" led by Plaid Cymru and including the Tories and the Lib Dems looked on the cards, word emerged that the latter had shied away at the final hurdle. I trust you'll keep me up to date if anything changes.
I can't get on a train to Cardiff tonight in any event as I'm due for my annual humiliation on Have I Got News For You. All topical gags gratefully received. No cash prizes I'm afraid. I can only promise the satisfaction of seeing your material used on air.
I'm 
Comments
Nothing off the top of my head, although according to the Radio Times website Alexander Armstrong is the guest host this week. Aren't most of the jokes directed at the guest presenter these days?
Nick,
I would have thought you could do something around this exchange between Michael Howard and William Gaillard. I think it's the best "low blow" I've ever heard!
"
Former Conservative leader Michael Howard was at the game and he said: "I didn't think the match should have been held at the stadium. It's not a football stadium and is not equipped to cope with that number of people."
Uefa spokesman William Gaillard responded: "It is very easy to say it is not a suitable stadium, coming from the man that invented the poll tax."
"
i was just looging on to express my disgust at the lack of coverage of the welsh elections and subsequent negotiations. So, well done for your last blog entry.
in wales, despite the fact that we read national newspapers, watch national news, newsnight, question time, etc etc etc, have HAD to get used to the fact that there is scant coverage of welsh affairs. this is simply not good eneough, particularly from our public service broadcasters whose remit it is to cover such events.
it is not that difficult to get your head round devolution and that when you constantly refer to government, the minister, labour, conservatives etc. what you really mean is government in england, the minister in engand, english labour, english conservatives etc.
how can we, as welsh people not simply come across as parochial moaners, when we are treated as such?
so nick, yes well done for the last blog, but next time try not to sound as if it was written through gritted teeth. and by the way, wales isn't that far away. the train service is pretty good- i'm on my way back to cardiff now!
"The burning issue of the week is of course the Cutty Sark, sources have revealed that locally produced charcol will soon be available in the Cutty Sark gift shop"
We haven't been much use have we Nick!! And I'm afraid I can't think of anything either!
Just mention your glasses Nick- I am sure that always gets a cheap laugh ;) joking of course Nick!!
So do they film this on Thursdays then? That must be awkward if there is a big news story on the friday?!!
You could also mention how wonderful all the people are that comment on your blog!!!!!!!
91热爆 Office proposals may see public sector workers compelled by law to tip off police about anyone they believe could commit a violent crime. Possible warning signs could include heavy drinking, mental health problems or a violent family background.
Sources reveal that this initiative will not be applied to the House of Commons...
Is it just me or are you more likely to find a member of the Government at Chelsea than Westminster?
(Alluding to the fact that the Chelsea Flower Show is on this week and there are plans for a rosa Tony Blair)
Nick
Not sure how pc your supposed to be on a known "slapstick" programme but if the escaped Orang utan is shown you could suggest it is John "slapper" Reid reorganising the 91热爆 Office ( well he is standing down from Office so he'll probably not complain too much) or its 91热爆 Office officials looking for the three abscondees or the "search for illegal immigrants goes on".
It's filmed on Thursday and most of the best material is cut out of the show (mostly for legal reasons). It usually takes just under 2 hours to film, so if you get a chance (as I did) to be part of the studio audience, grab it.
Nick - I'm sure you could make some jokes about Merton's new China series. Perhaps ask him how he's managing to be in China and London at the same time?
Here's my paltry efforts;
Has anyone considered that the three on the control order are Liverpool fans and went to Athens?
Where's Gordon Brown these days? Perhaps he should be put on a control order. Actually no, that wouldn't make any difference in knowing where he is.
Presumably the German mother elephant incident wouldn't happen here because we have parenting classes.
Given the precedent set by John Prescott is being Deputy Prime Minister a McJob?
Sorry no time to think of any more. Good luck.
These are the best I can come up with ...
The government wants to site 14 new nuclear power plants in locations that won't be at risk from flooding in the decades ahead - probably as far from the coast as possible. Bad luck, Birmingham! Future tourism slogan: More canals than Venice, more radiation than Chernobyl...
Re: the recent absconders... Control orders don't seem to work, ID cards are too controversial - how long before John Reid announces that terrorism suspects must sit on a naughty chair...?
Re: The Big Brother racism verdict... If only they'd sent in Richard Gere instead of Jade Goody... perhaps not...
Re: FA Cup Final: A revolutionary new building puts on a spectacularly dull show. Have we learnt nothing from the Dome?
Break a leg Nick!
Why you and other wannabe journalists are allowed to appear on HIGNFY is beyond me. If you appear on 91热爆 news giving serious, unbiased reportage you should not be involved in satire. Why do you want to appear anyway? Presumably the 91热爆 can't force you to.
Hmm.. I don't think it is entirely fair to blame Nick for focusing on London and Westminster politics - that is where the UK Government resides, after all.
There IS National coverage of what is going on in the assembly, it is just that it is based in Cardiff, from Nick's excellent 'oppos' Betsan Powys and Vaughan Roderick.
Remember, we have now got a Welsh 4th Channel so that we have 'national' coverage of Welsh politics and not just 'national' coverage of UK politics.
Given the amount of resources which 91热爆 Wales deploy on politics I don't think you can argue that there isn't enough coverage. I would, however, concede that the coverage of Welsh and Scottish affairs in newspapers is scandalous. But then the Telegraph is cutting back on other foreign news bureaux as well as reducing the news journalists on the payroll.
A couple of suggestions..
By the time Tony Blair finally leaves office, everyone's going - 'Tony Who..?'
Have you noticed that during John Prescott's period as Deputy Prime Minister there have been no 'Star Wars' movies. When he steps down he'll be off to Pinewood to reprise his role as Jabba the Hutt...
Network Rail has made a profit of 脗艁1.4bn. Interesting definition of a 'Not for profit' organisation...
Yvette Cooper confidently predicted only the other day that HIPS would go ahead and that 5000 inspectors had been trained. Turns out it was actually 500 - why is it that government estimates are always out by a factor of ten..??
Good luck..!!
On HIGNFY watch out for the story from Tuesday's Times about Grammar School appeal panels. Wonderful picture of a sad child in front of the official school sign which is spelt 'Grammer school'. Can't see how they'd miss that one and too many jokes to mention.
Perhaps Ruth Kelly could scrap The 91热爆 Information Packs and introduce Hair Improvement Packs- plenty of women in the govt to test them on- Kelly being the main one!!!
Weak but all I can come up with for now!!
Good luck!!
You get so much aggression from nationalist blogs, and commentators on your own - and I'm a bit puzzled as to why. They call you a London-based journalist as a perjoritive, but this seems odd to me, because you ARE a London-based journalist.
If people want SNP or Plaid self-congradulation, they should look at *their* blogs, instead.
What does HIP stand for...?
Hopeless Initiative Plan
Hope I'm -reshuffled Please/Plan
Have I Peaked? (R Kelly)
Hell Is Pretending (to like Gordon)
Something in UEFA blaming Liverpool fan's for ground chaos, Howard bemoaning UEFA spokesman, only to find out it was UEFA's new cultural attache to Mersyside, Boris Johnson - again!?
Good luck Nick.
Nick
UK politicians slagging off Greek authorities for 'preventing ticket holders getting into the ground'...
Err yes: that would be something to do with scallywag scousers breaking and entering, thereby rendering the stadium full, would it.....????
Turn a blind eye to criminality, slag off those protecting human life.......that's our new MP's job description, is it??
True heirs to Tony Blair in Iraq, eh?
Maybe a few thousand Greeks should visit Liverpool in 2008, the European City of Culture, and break into some houses when their owners are off shopping and nick 艁100 quids worth, then tear-gas the owners when they try to come up their front drive and open the front door?
I'm sure the Greek Minister of Culture would come out strongly saying that 'Liverpool isn't a fit and proper place to provide culture to Greeks - it should have been awarded to a big city instead!'
Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, eh?
Good one Nick. You are right, because after all this hype in Wales and in Scotland, come next general election Labour will be the biggest party again. Let us for the time being watch the Welsh bicker on who is going to rule at the Welsh Assembly, and waste time arguing and negotiating, while the problems get bigger and bigger and worse of all UNSOLVED. Same goes in Scotland, with the SNP parading as being the largest party, while the majority of the Scottish people still have their heads well screwed to their neck and DO NOT want independence. Let us now watch the SNP bickering and trying to negotiate for every single policy that they try to pass through. Yes Nick, you are right, this is history that needs to be ignored cause in a couple of years, things will be back to normal in Wales as well as in Scotland. Nationalism never worked to better the standard of living of a country, but is the fuel for infighting and hatred and resentment towards others that do not uphold this dangerous idiology!
I quite agree with #12, it's not becoming of a serious political journalist to get involved with satire of his own subject matter. Presumably some misguided suit somewhere feels it demonstrates a 'hip to the game' approach and appeals to liberal twenty-somethings and Guardian readers. Well as somebody who falls into both categories, and a lover of good satire (HIGNFY has long since fallen off that pedestal), I don't want to see the person I trust to bring me impartial insights into the political world joking around about it on an entertainment show.
When the Lib Dems backed out of a coalition with the SNP, there was much talk that Gordon Brown had got Menzies Campbell to pressure his colleagues in Scotland by dangling the prospect of a future Westminster coalition. Could this account for events in Wales as well?
Tom, methinks you are spot on regarding Gelden Brown and Ming the muddled.
As for Albert, shame on you. Check out events in Scotland with a little more than a cursory glance and you might appreciate how flawed your analysis is. Back to the Torygraph site for you my good man. The Lib/Lab executive managed to waste
1.3 billion pounds over the last four years, as revealed this week in a report they commissioned and suppressed before the May elections, shame on them.
MMust spend some subsidy myself before the Salmon knocks this jolly jape on the head.
Be greatful for a change in goverment up here Albert.. some of us do have our heads screwed on.
Dear Nick,
Pa Broon twisting Ming the Muddled's cohorts, 16 anyway, in Holyrood to secure Westminster coalition at some point... surely not!
Tails and dogs spring to mind again.
Try shifting your studio to Edinburgh, it's obviously where all the serious stuff is going on.
Why would the President of Russia take time out to have talks with the PM of a little island off the coast of Europe. No other European leader has taken it upon himself to do so. Delusions of importance, no doubt.
TL Yorkshire