Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor is brimming with admiration for one hack this morning. The Daily Mirror put a journalist into Hamburg's Hyundai Fan Park on Sunday to watch the England-Germany match.
He was an Englishman surrounded by 50,000 Germans. Had a German newspaper editor dreamed up a similar stunt in England, they might well be currently acquainting themselves with the vagaries of the (that's the E1-11 to all you old skoolers).
But there was no hint of animosity and unfurled his St George's flag. Instead he was greeted with a chorus of mooing.
No, that's s not a typo. It wasn't booing, but mooing.
Why do our Continental cousins emit a bovine bawl when they catch sight of an Englishman in their midsts, wondered our intrepid reporter.
"We make that noise whenever England play because everybody knows the English started mad cow disease," he was told by a fan.
Sad, isn't it, how the Germans reach for an outdated stereotype when they seek to make fun of the English. Er...
When the match ended, the sound of Queen's We Are The Champions rang out - a reminder that the English at least still have a cultural, if not footballing, impact on foreign shores.
Elsewhere, the Mirror's red-top rival was also getting creative in trying to reflect the post-tournament gloom.
Across a UK weather map on its front page, the Sun's headline said: "Sunny outlook in many areas but depression over Heathrow as shower drifts in from South Africa".
Sends a chill down your back, doesn't it.