Paper Monitor
12:41 UK time, Friday, 4 June 2010
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
She's back. No, not Drunk Girl (although she's never far away) but Marina Hyde, on an extended break covering something or other about ballot boxes and .
Her replacement during the election proved more than up to the job, but one is always delighted when the captain is again at the reins. So to speak... like metaphor mixologist Sarah Ferguson.
One of Paper Monitor's long-time favourite Friday pastimes - besides a late lunch of fish 'n' chips with Caption Comp and WBQ in the glamorous 91Èȱ¬ canteen - is to pluck favourite phrases and metaphors from the bouquet of celebrity-skewering blooms Lost assembles. And so here is a selection:
- - aka Simon Cowell (who, she notes, "has inexplicably yet to be asked to comment on the Cumbria shootings")
- - a plug-in that erases any mention of the teenage singer from your computer - to the Nobel committee
The Lord Of The Ring's metaphor refers to Cowell's decision to give the World Cup some much needed Britain's Got Talent/Tears for Fears/James Corden action, with added do-gooding in the form of a charity single:
"How easy it is to picture Simon drumming his fingers in his Dark Tower, just itching for the golden opportunity to rifle through his I Give a Toss file and pull out some thinly disguised, off-the-peg marketing scheme, under the guise of helping humanity as a whole."
Marina, welcome back.
The 
