Paper Monitor
13:53 UK time, Tuesday, 7 April 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Front page, the Sun, Monday, 6 April: "Jack's plea for Jade - Leave her in Peace".
Front page, the Sun, Tuesday, 7 April: "Bury me with Jade - Jack's wish at grave visit".
Readers may be relieved to hear that Paper Monitor resisted turning to page seven for the full story, instead landing on Gordon Smart's Bizarre column, where Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin is pictured riding the flying elephants at Los Angeles' Disneyland.
"The Coldplay frontman hates his kids having their picture taken, so I've left them off the page," writes Smart, who is clearly in a charitable mood.
But let's just revisit three words of that sentence again - "left them off". Hmmmm - sounds, how shall we say it, suspicious.
Sure enough, a quick visit to Gordon's column online reveals the un-Photoshopped picture with an identifiable Moses Martin in Mickey Mouse ears.
So there we have it - the new euphemism for Photoshopping: "Left off".
Over at the Independent, the paper's pull-out features supplement leads with a piece entitled "Dark side of Dubai", which understandably left Paper Monitor feeling .
Finally, to the Telegraph, where the paper has an interview with that poster child of TV property shows, Kirstie Allsopp. Paper Monitor has noted in the past how the Telegraph has a soft spot for women of its ilk - Keira Knightley being a prime example. If La Allsopp hasn't been added to this list already, then consider this a shameful oversight duly rectified.
It's all such a 91Èȱ¬ Counties love-in. There's before and after pictures of Allsopp's renovated other home, a full name check - she is, we learn, the Honourable Kirstie Allsopp - and the frank admission that "I do have a really lovely life".
At this point Paper Monitor can do no better than yield to the gushing prose of interviewer Bryony Gordon.
"Lovely is a word that suits Allsopp, because that is what she is... She is immensely good company... I say that perhaps she will one day turn up on Her Majesty's Honours List... She laughs, but I am sure it is not quite as ridiculous a suggestion as she thinks it is."
The 
