91Èȱ¬

Looking at the long queues and empty shelves in Woolworths ("") made me wonder what a closing down sale in Argos would look like. Hundreds of people fighting over slips of paper and pens that don't work.
Martin, Fryerning

Not sure whether to congratulate the 91Èȱ¬ on or just comment that at least they were in the right place then.
Naomi P, Sussex

Re "", I was so struck by this oxymoron of branding ("If you had normal ear drums you would need to be kissing like a Dyson hoover,") I almost dropped my Burger King Big Mac.
Kat Murphy, Coventry

Re - Austrian authorities are now pursuing known Blackadder fans.
Joe, Huntingdon

Thanks to your tardiness in publishing the letters ("Your Letters", Wednesday), I have now discovered another correspondent who is actually not far from me in Germany. Still haven't seen Steffi Graf or Andre Agassi, mind.
Michelle P, Bruehl, Germany

I'd like to have a word with Noel Hinton please (Ibid). His comment made me laugh so much that I inhaled/snorted my cup of tea. Not much on its own, but coupled with the fact that I was sneakily reading the letters whilst 'supervising' a class full of teenage students makes it highly embarrassing! Months of working to build up some respect... wasted.
Poppy , Lille, France

Noel Hinton, Holt Norfolk - count yourself lucky. We're a good 30 years behind here.
Kevin, Douglas/Isle of Man

I can't believe i just bothered to read 51 variations on "I'm here", "We don't all live in Britain you know" and "no letters = the end of my world". Seriously, what on earth was the point? Unless you turn them into a deck of cards, with this letter as the Ace of spades, that was a pointless letters page. And the Jokers? Messrs Paper and Magazine Monitor. More effort please.
Tom K Hawkey, Nottingham, UK

Susan (Ibid), I saw in a supermarket festive spice bleach! I got better things to do in my life than to make my loo smell like Christmas. I'm sure my loo won't be crying if it smells of lemon during Christmas.
Helen, Leicester UK

That is so unfair. The one day I'm not on top of the letters is the day the doors are flung open and all are welcome. What's a guy gotta do to get published!? Random fact: Rudolph of the red-nosed variety had to be a lady reindeer, as the chaps lose their antlers at the start of Winter. Congratulations Grandma Carol!
Andy, Farnham

Look here MM, I was going to send you a Christmas card this year as an appreciation of the sterling work you do, but I'm beginning to think it would be a waste of time. It would probably end up in the same place that all my thoughtfully compiled letters do. However, you have a chance to redeem yourself.
Martin, High Wycombe, UK

Monitor: Letter published. Now it's for you, Martin, to fulfil your side of the deal.

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