Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
As part of its newly launched sub-brand, Paperweight, Paper Monitor has hauled in the kitchen scales for a Ricky "The Hitman" Hatton-Paul "Paulie" Malignaggi-style weigh in.
As is customary in such circumstances, the contenders were required to remove all extraneous attire - namely loose advertising bumpf - before stepping up to the scales.
Here in reverse order - lightest to heaviest - for the first time on free-to-air internet are the results of the inaugural official Paperweight challenge.
Financial "The Pink Puncher" Times
220g (7 and 5/8oz)
The Daily "Hurricane" Express
230g (8oz)
The Daily "Clunking Fist" Mirror
266g (9 and 3/8oz)
The "Scorcher" Sun
282g (9 and 7/8oz)
The Daily "Old Timer" Telegraph
296g (10 and 4/8oz)
The Daily "Hand in Glove" Mail
306g (10 and 6/8oz)
The Indy-Hairshirt-pendent
310g (10 and 7/8oz)
The Come and Have a Go if You Think You're Guardian'uff
344g (12 and 1/8oz)
And the winner is.....
Theeeee Thunderer itself.... the Wapping Whopper.... the Times
388g (13 and 5/8oz)
Although even this august journal of record can't hold a light to Paper Monitor's half-drunk, tepid Americano coffee. EASY, EASY, EASY...