Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Love or hate the Guardian, never let it be said that it hides a writer's light under a bushel.
The front page teaser positively shrieks: "TANYA GOLD: How I saved £1,397.66 by haggling." Who she? Has Jacqueline Gold stepped down, necessitating a change at the top of the Ann Summers empire?
No. Tanya Gold is a journo who, photographer in tow, hits the High Street determined not to pay full whack for anything. Hmmm.
She starts off trying to wheedle 20p off the cover price of the Guardian. What folly is this? It's the very product which will, ultimately, fund her salary. Three words, Tanya. Goose. Golden. Egg.
But Paper Monitor always enjoys it when a writer pens some nugget which confirms every stereotype of their particular publication, and she delivers with this sentence: "[My newsagent] gives me that filthy look she employs when I waste her time by begging her to read my articles, for instance, or shouting abuse at Vogue." [Italics Paper Monitor's own.]
She then heads off to haggle at Camden Market and Daunt Books, both very popular with those who enjoy muesli, CND marches, and cooking with lemongrass. Oh, and reading the Guardian.
Meanwhile, Metro falls foul of publishing deadlines with an article headlined: "See Jacko live - in the High Court". The dethroned king of pop is no longer making a PA in London's Court 73 today, after his people reached a last-minute agreement with an Arab sheikh. But that news came after page 13 of the commuters' freesheet went to press.
Paper Monitor would ask for a discount for defective goods. What's 10% off nothing?