Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
The Daily Telegraph has assembled a crack team of four specialist correspondents to sort out your summer. "YOUR BEST SUMMER EVER" shouts the banner across the top of the Daily Telegraph, with the accompanying strapline introducing, wait for it: "Team Telegraph".
And this isn't even a debut - the paper tells us that "Team Telegraph is back." Paper Monitor is chastising itself for missing this the first time round?
Whatever your thoughts about the daft name, there's no denying that for many of us at least, the weather over this bank holiday weekend has been truly atrocious. If, arghh, it hurts to say it, "Team Telegraph" can magic sunshine and balmy summer breezes from this maelstrom of rain and teeth-chattering temperatures, then fair play to them.
Only, that's not on the bill. Sporting shorts and low-cut summer dresses, "Team Telegraph" are, like you and I, optimistic souls, waiting for the warm weather to return. And when it does they're promising to get us "fit for summer, from healthy food and achievable fitness plans to wearable fashion and bare-able beauty".
And how do we know what areas of expertise each of these team members practise in? Team Telegraph have made it easy for us, each member posing with a prop to denote their specialism. There's a woman with a coat hanger (fashionista), a woman with a compact and blusher brush (beauty expert) a woman with a clutch of asparagus (nutritionist) and a bloke with what, on repeated viewings, looks like a medieval torture instrument (no, it's not a Telegraph reader's law and order poster boy, but a fitness coach).
Paper Monitor gets the message and is starting its sit-ups now.