91Èȱ¬

The last time the Cottagers were in a major final, had just replaced the Bay City Rollers at number one, was new to our screens and Roy the boy was a mere 27-years-old. Yep, that long ago.
Mud - big in the 70s
The climax to Fulham's incredible run will see them take on Atletico Madrid in Hamburg on 12 May (take note, opposition fans, all mocking chants should now be amended to 'Wednesday nights, Channel 5').

Atletico supporters are preparing for the big day by looking up the Spanish for 'Does your butler know you're here' - a favourite anti-Fulham chant to which celebrity fan Hugh Grant presumably always replies: "Er, yes."

Incredibly, their other famous supporter, , chose not to tweet about her club's finest hour, although the word on the street is that she's busy writing their Cup final song, working title FLM.

While they'll be dancing in the aisles of Harrods this weekend, spare a thought for Liverpool fans, who saw their side cruelly by a late strike from former Manchester United cult hero Diego Forlan.

The Reds have still got an outside chance of qualifying for the Champions League if they beat Chelsea on Sunday, but in doing so they would almost certainly allow United to overhaul their record of league titles. Think that's what you call a no-win situation.

My other half was feeling a tad under the weather on Thursday night and went to bed with her beloved Liverpool seemingly cruising into the final. I hadn't got the heart to break the news to her before I left for work on Friday, although it's fair to say it's unlikely my tea will be on the table when I get in.

One of the few bright spots was the performance of Alberto Aquilani - in stark contrast to the first leg, where a tweeter purporting to be Lucas Leiva (it isn't) wrote: "One-and-a-half hour journey. Aquilani decided to stand up for the whole duration of the way back. He can't face another 90 minutes sitting down."

If results go against the Reds over the next fortnight, they may not even qualify for the Europa League, although England could have an unlikely representative in next season's competition.

There's a Fair Play League spot up for grabs and if Fulham win in Hamburg, , meaning the Clarets could conceivably be playing Huddersfield one week and AC Milan the next - a bit of season-ticket sales spin even Alastair Campbell would be proud of.

Burnley were all but joined in the Championship by Hull, where for once Iain Dowie's famed 'bouncebackability' deserted him. I say for once, he also got relegated with Crystal Palace, Charlton and Newcastle. Pity the poor bellboy who innocently enquires "Going down?" the next time Dowie finds himself in a hotel lift.

Congratulations to Bournemouth, who joined Notts County and Rochdale in League One, while it's squeaky bum time for Grimsby, who are clinging on to their league status by their fingertips. Their precarious position sparked an extraordinary online rant from Mariners fan Poojah on , most of which is unrepeatable, although it would be rude not to give you a (heavily edited) taste:

"For starters, work can (get lost). If they think I'm going to be there on Monday morning they've got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with (idiots) that I can barely stand being with when I'm in a good mood....

"Dad, you can (go away). This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of (manure). 'Come with me to Blundell Park,' you said, 'Come and support the boys.' What could I do? I was (flipping) four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British 91Èȱ¬ Stores, but no, you knew best....

"The girlfriend can definitely (go away). Her best attempt at consolation - "I don't know why you're bothered; you knew they were (rubbish) anyway". Yes love, but they're MY (rubbish) team.....

"The radio can (go away) . On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing 'Down' by Jay Sean at the exact same (flipping) time. The song's the best part of a year old, how the (hell) does that happen by coincidence?!"

Well, you get the picture. Other targets for abuse include Barrow, the World Cup, his local pizza place and his nan's old lucky Buddha. Yet if Grimsby beat relegation rivals Barnet on Saturday and win their last game, while Barnet lose theirs, they can stay up. I look forward to reading part two should that scenario arise.
The charge of the white brigade (see below)
Quote of the week goes to 5 live summariser Pat Nevin, who upon seeing Patrice Evra and Nani throwing up during Man Utd's win over Spurs, said: "I've never seen that happen before. I've seen it once or twice." While the top chant belonged to West Ham fans who shouted "Go compare!" to Rafa Benitez.

Elsewhere, Manchester United fans are preparing to fire up the Quattro, following , while Portsmouth supporters are preparing to be ridiculed at Wembley after Aaron Mokoena revealed , which would "surprise people". That's the same David James responsible for at the 1996 final with United.

And finally, I can't go without mentioning Jose Mourinho, who looked like the offspring of John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever character and the Duracell bunny as he leapt across the pitch to celebrate . Fantastic drama, which means we can look forward to a Champions League final of Inter v Bayer Munich. It's the one they all wanted.

Right that's it. Have a good weekend one and all. I'm off to see QPR host Newcastle's end-of-season promotion party at Loftus Road. Can't wait.

P.S. Apologies for not replying to many people on Quotes of the Week (had to dash) and also for not including .